Day 12

Today was my first official Dr appointment for the baby. Up until now, the pessamistic side of me was terrified there was something wrong with the baby. It was the same way with Lucy. Until I can see with my own eyes or hear that little ones heartbeat, I panic. I think this time I was a little extra nervous because Jon wasn't here to experience the joy of seeing our new peanut on the screen.

It was really amazing. Seeing the baby stretch and reach instantly calmed my nerves. The second she focused in on the heartbeat, I got tears in my eyes. I wanted Jon here so badly so he could see it. Our little peanut is quite busy in there though. It was tough to get any clear pictures. Ironically, that was the exact same way Lucy was at this stage. I remember the Dr saying the exact same thing, "Slow down little peanut! Let me get a good measurement!"

Of course, the baby is already taking after Jon and is very long. So long in fact that they moved my due date. When she told me, I felt a lump in my stomach. One week sooner just means one less week Jon has of trying to get back here. Its exciting all the same, and of course this baby could decide to wait until the original due date to make his/her appearance. I just hate that I have one less week.

Either way, this was a wonderful day. I forgot how amazing a new life can be. Plus, with the new due date, my first trimester will be over on Friday!

Day 11

I love being a mom. I really do. Its such a rewarding experience to have a child. Today was one of those days when I couldn't remember what life was like before Lucy.

We didn't do anything exceptional today, but she was so affectionate! It felt like I was getting kisses and hugs all day-none of which were prompted by me. Its the best feeling to have your little girl walk up to you, grab your cheeks and give you a kiss just because she felt like it.

I can't believe that in one month, my little girl will be 2. Where has the time gone? Every month I say "this is the best age" and it just keeps getting better. I now understand why everyone tells you to cherish every moment, because they really do grow up fast. It feels like only yesterday that I was here in Germany anxiously awaiting her arrival.

Being a mom is the BEST!

Day 10

I've decided that when it comes to things I miss about being overseas, I have to say one of things I miss most is the speed of the internet.

Our internet at home stinks. Its slow. Really, really slow. I honestly thought that when we lived in Turkey, the internet couldn't get any worse. But here in our village in Germany, we managed to find the one place in K-town that gets slower internet then Incirlik.

I'm not really an internet person. I use it to webcam, check email/facebook and shop online. But lately I've been trying to upload videos and pictures for Jon. Honest to god, it will take up to 6 hours to upload a 2 minute video on you tube. SIX HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And to add icing to the cake, I can't do much else on the internet during that time because the upload is sucking whatever bandwith I have.

I don't know what I'll do with myself if we ever end up with broadband again. I've become so accustomed to pausing downloads and waiting for pages to load. But if I ever find out they offer it here in this village, you can believe I'll be one of the first people in line (although its highly unlikely it will ever happen)

Day 9

Well first off, we made it through the first week without Jon. I was surprised at how well both Lucy and I did, as well as our dog Kelly. We really only had one bad day and that was due to my unexpected hormones. Kelly is a little depressed since I can't play with her quite the same as Jon, but I've been doing my best to get her back on a walking schedule and giving her attention once Lucy is asleep.

As for Lucy, she's been giving Daddy kisses pretty regularly over the web cam and on her special pillowcase. There are times when she wants things that only Daddy can do in her eyes, like make her eggs, but she is slooooowly starting to understand that Mommy can do them too. Me, I'm still taking it one day at a time. I miss him like crazy at night when the house gets quiet. But I'm grateful for all the conversations we've been able to have so far.

And now on to my first installment of adventures in Potty Training...

I have to say-I started this with high hopes. I was certain that Lucy could master the potty training in one weekend. After all, isn't that what the 3 day potty training book promised? Lucy has been quick to pick up everything else I've tried to teach her, why not this too?

Needless to say my daughter was NOT trained in 3 days. But each day we've progressed a little more. I have found that wearing real underwear does help her to understand more when to tell me she has to go. The first day, she'd tell me right after she's already gone on the floor. Day 1 was filled with lots cleaning the potty off the tile floor (a positive step in my opinion-she never went on the carpet/furniture/chairs). A few extra loads of laundry later I figured out that wearing pants and socks would have to be abandoned for the day.

Day 2 started out well. Dry diaper in the morning=peepee on the potty chair! It was another step forward and we were so excited we emailed Daddy the second after it happened. Sadly though, the trend did not continue. We tried a few times to make it to the potty only to have accidents on the way there. But at least she was starting to get it and starting to tell me "Mommy PEEPEE!!!" (I have got to get that on camera soon-she is so excited when she says it!)
We went to a friends house that night for dinner. Best part was everyone there was potty trained so Lucy was able to see what big girls did. Thanks to her good friend Rori, she learned how to sit on the big girl potty without a potty seat!

Day 3 started out well too. Dry diaper in the morning, but only the teeniest pee on the potty chair. I think she was afraid for some reason. We went back to the underwear thing and she started telling me again when she went peepee/poop. I still found a positive moment in the day when she decided to start sitting on the toilet instead of her Elmo chair.

Overall, I see everything that happened this weekend in a positive light. Lucy learned something new about potty training every day. I'm proud that she would rather sit on the "mommy potty" (that's what she calls the toilet) then on her potty chair. And I'm proud that we no longer have to battle to try going potty every hour. This is definitely harder then I imagined it would be. And certainly a tougher task since I have to do it alone. But Jon has been great about it all. He tells her how proud he is when we tell him about her successes and doesn't scold her about her accidents. He tries his best to help from where he is, which gives me the encouragement to keep trying.

I'm not ready to give up yet. Each night when she goes to bed, I think about the one step forward she took that day and praise her for it. I remind her what a big girl she is and how she's going to be a great big sister. This potty training thing is going to take a while, but I've set my goal date as Oct 1. That way I will *hopefully* have a few weeks off from changing diapers before baby Carter gets here.

Day 8

I am way to sleepy to post anything tonight, but I promise to write a nice informative post on my adventures in Potty training tomorrow....

Day 7

Today was a rough day. I don’t know what made it more difficult than others since there were so many contributing factors, it was just the toughest day I’ve had so far. I’m at the point where I want the day to end and to start over fresh tomorrow.

I really miss Jon, more than I ever thought I would. I miss having him to talk to about whatever happened today. I miss hearing him read Lucy books at bedtime. I miss waking up next to him in the morning. I really miss having adult conversation during meals.

I hear myself telling people that I shouldn’t complain about him being gone since I knew that this was part of the deal when I decided to start a life with him, but I want to complain. I want to scream about how this part of our life together sucks. But for some stupid reason I keep thinking that somewhere in this world, there is a military spouse who has it worse than me and because of that family, I should be grateful that I even know where my husband is and have the ability to talk to him. I am grateful for all those things and many more.

I just wish I didn’t feel so guilty saying I want him to come home.

Day 6

Ending my day on a bit of bummed note.

Lucy was supposed to start school on Monday. We were all very excited about it and talked about it pretty regularly. We made it such a positive thing that even I was looking forward to it.
I started thinking about all the things I would finally get done around the house and for myself. For example, I could make all my OB appointments on the days she was in school so I never had to worry about finding care for her. Or finally organizing different things around the house.

But sadly, we have to wait a few weeks (or possibly months) longer. While it ends up being good for me financially (I won't have to pay for the 2-3 weeks she's not in school while we visit my parents), I find myself completely bummed out at not having any me time. Which I realize is selfish. But I'm also sad for Lucy. This was a way for her to start a new routine and to make some new friends.

I've got my fingers crossed that things work out quickly-for all parties involved. Her teacher seems to be pretty amazing and I've only heard wonderful things about her teaching style. Lucy and I both fell in love with her classroom and her. She became Lucy's new friend 2 minutes after meeting her (which is rare for my little girl when it comes to adults).

I guess I have to look on the bright side of this. I have more time to spend with Lucy at the park, playground or having tea parties after breakfast. Everything happens for a reason...

Day 5

Nothing very exciting to post today. I've been really busy trying to enjoy the nice weather while its here. You never know when you'll get hit with rain or more snow this time of year here in Germany.

I will say that I am grateful for the wonderful network of friends I have here. It seems like everyday someone is inviting us out to play or to meet for a meal. It is definitely helping me cope with the lack of adult interaction I'm missing at home.

So for all my friends out there who are taking the time to call, email or invite me out of the house-Thank you. Its hard to find the time to thank all of you individually, but you should know that you've made the first week so much better for me. I couldn't ask for a better support network.

And to my parents and sister-thanks for taking my calls almost everyday. I have no idea how we find so much to talk about, but I'm grateful for that as well (and glad I don't have to pay international phone fees!!)

Day 4

I am not cut out for lawn work/shoveling/cleaning the exterior of my house.

I think I've been saying that since I was old enough to mow the lawn at my parents house. When it comes to anything that involves maintaining the exterior elements of a house, I will do anything to weasel my way out of it. What do I hate most though? Any form of lawn work.

The problem with my hating lawn work is now that I'm the sole adult resident of my house for the next 6 months, I am required by German law (and our lease) to maintain the sidewalk, lawn, driveway and trees in our yard. So not only did I spend the last 6 months shoveling snow on a regular basis (and yes, I did grow up in Minnesota but I had FABULOUS parents who shoveled/snowblowed the driveway), now I have to sweep up the never ending sand/salt/rocks that remain after our crazy winter. When I say never ending, I mean its a constant battle to keep the rocks and sand in check so they don't clog the one drain on our block. If I don't, we get fined-and I've heard its a lot.

So after procrastinating for the last 2 weeks about sweeping again, I started to feel guilty when I watched my neighbors spend an hour scrubbing the fireworks off the street from New Years Eve and sweep their sidewalk everyday for a week. Since it was a gorgeous day and the last place I wanted to be was inside, I started sweeping and raking the front yard.

You would not believe the pile of sticks, sand and rocks I ended up with after cleaning up my small 10 feet of lawn. We have a HUGE biodegradable bin and I filled that sucker up. And that was just the front yard!

As I headed for the backyard to begin my poop patrol (lucky Jon gets to miss out on that this summer), I decided it was probably time to rake up the leaves and miscellaneous branches from the cherry tree that was torn apart by the freak wind storm we had about a month ago. After I got done with that, I looked at Jon's garden and decided to fix it up so I could maybe plant a few things this year. I should have stopped while I was ahead.

The garden was covered in weeds, at least we're pretty sure the majority are weeds. I pulled on my trusty gloves and went to work. Only I forgot about the crappy, thorny, itchy weed thing that implants itself in your skin. And in my fever to clean up the yard, started yanking it out of the ground without thinking. Of course my gloves are not "thorn proof" and I ended up pricking myself-on the palm of my hand.

This particular weed leaves behind a "stinger" and it itches! I've done everything I can think of to get it out to no avail. Its too small to pull out with a tweezers. So I just have to wait until it works itself out I guess (which I'm hoping is in the next few hours). Its really isn't as itchy as it initially was, but every time I wash my hands I can feel it sting like a paper cut. Despite the sting, I decided to finish what I started and weeded most of the garden. I really do want to plant some tomatoes and cucumbers this year. Plus I always love having fresh herbs just outside my door.

Regardless of my frustration when it comes to lawn work, I had to follow though. But when I was done and I looked at my yard, I couldn't help but feel a little proud at how much nicer it looked. I'm not worried that Lucy is going to step in Kelly's little treats every 5 steps or that my neighbors will think of our house as "the lazy Americans house." I don't want everyone to get to excited though...I am still maintaining my girly status of "not cut out for yard work". But I'll sure do my best to keep it looking nice during this deployment (and get manicures regularly to keep my hands from looking dirty!)

Day 3

We got to talk to Jon today on the webcam!

Both Lucy and I were so excited. It was fun getting to see him and hear his voice. Lucy talked most of the call and even though we had a hard time understanding what she was saying, I know Jon liked hearing her voice and giggles. When it was time to say goodbye, she said it quickly, but as soon as Jon was off the screen she turned around to look at me and asked for Daddy again. It broke my heart as I promised her we would see him again soon and the tears filled her eyes.

One of my favorite things to do with Lucy at the end of the day is cuddle in bed talking about what kind of day she had. We go over everything from what she had for breakfast to what toys she played with in the tub. Today when I asked her about her favorite part of the day, I expected her to answer "Park Jay" (which translates to playing at the park with her friend Jayden), but she surprised me and quickly answered "DADA!" Then we talked about how fun it was to see him and how he played "kissy monster" with her. It was the best moment of my day too...

Technology is such an awesome thing. Sometimes I take for granted how fortunate I am to be able to see people on the computer at any time. It makes me feel like I'm closer to family then I really am. I've watched my nephew grow and our parents have been able to watch our little girl grow (and our bulldog of course!). It helps Lucy understand who everyone is too. Instead of just pointing at pictures and telling her who everyone is, she can see and interact with them. Since Lucy was old enough to talk, she would hear the chime of the computer getting email or someone sending a message and she says "Nana, Papa, email?" I'm sure "Dada?" will be added to that shortly.

I'm hoping that having this technology will help us feel less separated during Jon's deployment. While its not the same as having him here, it sure is nice to be able to see and hear him at the same time.

Day 2

Today was a good day. Yesterday I let myself wallow in the sadness of Jon leaving. I stayed strong for my little girl, but once she was down for bed, I let the emotions take over. I let myself cry and let myself feel immense sadness. When I was through, I made a promise to myself that I would wake up in the morning with one postive thought and let that thought start my day. Today's thought: Sleeping late is one of the deployments BEST benefits.
I don't know why, but when my husband is home my daughter will wake up no later then 6:30am-EVERYDAY! But when he is on TDY's or away for the night, she will always sleep until at least 7am. That extra half hour is like gold to me. I can lay in bed relaxing or actually get a few extra minutes of precious sleep (which I've needed this pregnancy).
So when I woke up this morning and saw the clock, I thought my first postive thought of the day before I even had to remind myself to do it. That in itself helps me know that I can make it through this pregnancy and deployment.

Day 1

Today marks the beginning of a lonely pregnancy. Early this morning Jon left for a 6 month or longer deployment in the desert. We are uncertain if he will be here to celebrate in the birth of our second baby. Our plan was to get pregnant right before he left so I'd go through most of the pregnancy alone and have him return just in time for #2's arrival. Well the best laid plans never seem to work.
He left a week later then planned and is headed to a place that isn't even his final destination for the deployment. He can't get to his actual duty station until paperwork is approved through the local government there. We dealt with the stresses of "I'm leaving, nope I'm staying, sorry I'm leaving" for weeks now. But to watch him leave this morning finalized the whole thing.
I can't explain the emotions I feel at having him gone. Am I the first spouse to be separated from their husband at a time like this? No, but it is the first time we as a couple have been through a deployment of this length and the first time we've ever had to wonder when he'll come home.
A friend recently told me something that's stuck in my head and I think its the best way for me to explain where my strength to get through this deployment comes from, "We married Warriors and that makes us Warrior wives"
So for the sake of our two year old daughter and our little peanut growing inside me, I will be strong. I will show them what it means to support Daddy and to love him unconditionally.