Day 97

**this is a picture of Lucy sleeping with her Daddy Doll**

Well, we're at the point of what should be the halfway mark for number of scheduled days for the deployment. As with every deployment, the number of days are never exact, just an estimate. But as each day passes I find myself grateful that I am one day closer to having Jon back at home.

I've had a few...how should I put this?...tough moments. I spent a few days on edge at the thought that I'll be lucky if he's home before Christmas. It affected everything, including Lucy. I was sick to my stomach, Lucy was cranky and I felt like crying every time I thought about him. After chatting about it with Jon and friends, I realized that I was being ridiculous. I have to remain positive about him coming home every moment. If I don't, I'm causing too much stress on myself and Lucy. It got pretty bad for a while, but it helped having people to talk to and who helped encourage me to remain optimistic. There have been many things in my life the last few years that I didn't think I could make it through and I always did. My husband was sweet enough to point out that I always think I can't do things, when in fact I can and do. Some days I don't know where I'd be without his unfailing encouragement.

Lucy has been handling the deployment well so far. She has her breakdowns and cries for Daddy. In fact, for 3 or 4 nights this week she was hysterical about bath time. She kicked and screamed until I finally got her to tell me last night why she didn't want to take one. Turns out she wanted Daddy to give her bath. While it broke my heart a little to have her tell me that she didn't want me, it brought tears to my eyes that she remembers that bath time was always Lucy and Daddy time. I assured her that when he got home he would give her lots of baths and would read her all her favorite books. It must have helped because tonight she didn't fuss about her bath.

She also started paying more attention to her "Daddy Doll". Its a gift from Jon that he had made before he left. Its a picture of Jon in his uniform in the form of a stuffed doll. Now before nap and bed time, we have to make sure we give Daddy a kiss and hug. The doll must always remain on Lucy's bed however. If we try putting it on the chair or it falls on the floor, its the end of the world. A little note for Daddy: we play kissy monster with it all the time. Daddy gets Mommy, Kelly, Lucy and bullie every night. It makes her giggle more then anything when Daddy gets Kelly :)

So I guess the deployment has affected each of us in a different way. I decided to stop looking at things as halfway there or count the days until he comes home. I just count each day as one day closer to see Jon and one day closer to my family reuniting (hopefully with one newcomer waiting until we are all here!).