I was due on Friday October 15. It was a Friday and instead of waiting around to go into labor, I celebrated the lack of contractions by a night out to dinner with a girlfriend, my dad and the girls. It was a delicious dinner and kept my mind off the fact that I had not gone into labor and that Jon wasn't here.
As the days passed, I grew more and more anxious. The anticipation of contractions was stressing me out. Knowing they are going to come and not knowing when was difficult. I constantly worried my water would break in a public place. But I kept doing what I would normally do and waited for the inevitable to happen.
Finally on Tuesday I went in for an NST (fetal non stress test). After sitting there for 20 minutes being monitored, I was told I had 3 contractions. I was surprised since I thought the pain they were referring to was gas. The Mid-wife did a quick ultrasound to check my amniotic fluid and said the baby had lots of room to grow (not exactly what you want to hear when you're already overdue). Since the baby and I were healthy and strong, they scheduled another NST for Friday the 22nd and if I hadn't gone into labor by then, we would discuss being induced. I really didn't want to be induced and I'd discussed this at length with my Mid-Wife before. But at 42 weeks, you don't really get a lot of say in the matter anymore as the safety of the baby is in jeopardy.
Around 3am Wednesday morning, I awoke to a strange but familiar pain. It was so strong it woke me out of a dead sleep and kept me awake for an hour. Since I only had the one, I wasn't concerned. I read myself back to sleep and didn't wake up again until morning.
After waking later that same morning, I started to feel strange. I just didn't feel like myself. My back hurt and I wasn't thinking clearly. I wasn't sure I could sit through Lucy's dance class and said so to my Dad. We decided to skip her class, but I knew I needed to get a few things from base before this baby came so I asked him to come with me and called my girlfriend Niki (who would be in the delivery room with me) to let her know I wasn't feeling right. We decided to meet for coffee on base and see if I started to feel any better.
While trying to enjoy a cup of coffee, I started to feel worse and worse. I was super uncomfortable and kept getting irregular cramping. I really didn't think it was contractions, but after a while my Dad and girlfriend asked me if I was timing them.
"Timing them?" I said, "Like if I was in labor? That can't be it."
But they both insisted I start paying closer attention to the timing "just in case".
After stopping by the commissary (and dropping a jar of jam on the commissary floor), my girlfriend decided to come back to my house with me to have lunch with the kids. By the time we sat down to eat I was more uncomfortable then I had been all morning. I decided that maybe it was time to head to the hospital around 12:15 that afternoon.
By the time we got all the kids situated, sent Jon a message telling him I might be in labor and drove to the hospital, it was 1:30pm. The nurse on call brought me back to a room for a quick triage. They determined I was 5-6cm, fully effaced and having regular contractions. I was then moved to a new room as they claimed the computers in the room weren't working properly. It was the size of walk in closet. We joked they put women in there who decided they didn't want drugs because it was farther away from the other rooms. I was admitted and began receiving antibiotics for GBS (Group B Strep). Niki called my doula who assured her she was on her way and I sent Jon a text message telling him what was going on.
Initially the labor wasn't so bad. I coped by breathing and thinking of Jon. My emotions soon started to take a toll on me and I was crying that I wanted him there. I hated that I didn't have his support at a time when I thought I needed it most. I hated that he wouldn't be there to hold his newborn or share in the joy of seeing him or her for the first time. Niki and my doula were amazing in making sure he was kept in the loop via Skype the whole labor which I will be eternally grateful for. They also kept me sane by talking to me and reminding me that he would be on the computer when it mattered most. Emotionally, I was a mess. Physically, I was doing much better then I expected.
We passed the time by talking and playing Mad Libs. I eventually ended up sitting on a birthing ball for an hour or two once the labor went into back. Both Niki and my doula constantly reminded me to take deep breaths and give in to the contraction. It was crazy how much those little things helped me make it through that first few hours. But then all hell broke loose.
I started to enter into transition labor sometime after 6pm. It was the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced. I couldn't focus the pain was so bad. It literally felt like I was being ripped in half. When the nurse came in to check me right before it started, she told me I was at 8cm and my water still hadn't broken. They administered my second dose of antibiotics. She told me to hold on as long as I could so I could get the antibiotics in before I delivered the baby (as if I had any control of that!). I remember thinking "8 is too late" for any drug intervention. It was like a jinx. No sooner had she left the room then the massive contractions started.
The next 20 minutes were the longest I had ever experienced.
Every contraction ripped through me like a tidal wave. It was never ending. I begged for a break...the most I think I got was about 30 seconds between a few contractions. I was literally writhing on the bed. No matter what I did, I couldn't relax my legs through each contraction and the muscles were killing me on top of each contraction. Niki and Dawn told me it was time to get Jon on Skype. I begged them not to. I didn't want him to see me screaming in pain. I knew it would be difficult for him to hear or see me that way when he couldn't be there to help. Heck, I knew it would have been difficult for him if he had been there. Thank God they didn't listen to me and got him on the webcam or he may have missed the whole thing.
I screamed for what felt like hours. I constantly yelled and told anyone who would listen that I just wanted to go to sleep. The only way I could focus on relaxing was by closing my eyes.
The Dr came in to check me when my antibiotic was done. I was at 9cm. (By the way, that exam was the worst of them all-contractions and exams do not mix!) I had a choice to make: let them break my water or wait for it to break. Either way there was no guarantee when the transition labor would end. Both Dawn and Niki told me it would be best to break my water. I was so scared. Breaking my water meant I was probably moments away from pushing a baby out or that I would stay in transition for a while longer. Either way I didn't like the outcome. I wasn't sure I was ready. I had one more gut ripping contraction and told them to do it.
Within minutes of breaking my water, I told them I had to push. I never understood why woman always said that until that very moment. They told me not to, I wasn't fully dilated, that I still had a centimeter to go. But I begged and begged for them to check again. I screamed that the baby was coming out regardless if I was pushing or not. Finally Dr Tucker checked and sure enough, I was at 10cm and the baby was coming.
Here's the ironic thing about labor. Once you go through that horrific, painful transition labor you get a break only to be told to push. I didn't think I had it in me. I was exhausted and hungry. I finally had a moment where I could breathe and now these crazy people are telling me to push?
But then I got the mother of all contractions...and man did I try to push.
It was a difficult 5 minutes. My back was killing me and my legs were so weak that I couldn't squat like I wanted to. I pushed through it all...I screamed through it all...I found strength in myself I never knew I had. And just when I thought it would never end, everyone in the room yelled "LOOK! MOMMY OPEN YOUR EYES!" Within 5 minutes of pushing I had given birth to a beautiful baby girl. I yelled to Jon "IT'S A GIRL BABY! AW, HONEY, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL GIRL!"
The moment I wanted to share most with my husband was that one. I wanted him to be there when our much anticipated bundle of love came into this world. Having him on Skype was the next best thing. I couldn't see his face when he heard or when he saw her for the first time...all I could see was this gorgeous dark haired creature who looked exactly like her Daddy staring back at me. The most anticipated moment of the last year was finally here.
Emma was born at 7:07pm...it was one of the happiest and most beautiful moments of my life.
This whole deployment I have been terrified of being in the delivery room without Jon. I didn't think I could go through with a natural delivery on my own without having him by my side. I didn't think I could go through labor at all without him there. But I did it with the help of an amazing Doula and an even better friend.
After all was said and done, I was so amazed by myself. I coped through labor with such positivity that it was hard to believe that it was really happening. I found strength in myself I never knew I had. I don't think I could have made it through if it wasn't for my girlfriends support and strength. I will be forever indebted to the them for showing me how to labor gracefully.
...and now for my beautiful littlest girl...
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