#1 and #2

I feel like I should rename my blog to "Deployments, Pees and Poops". No seriously...in the last 3 days I have been peed on by Lu twice and had my dog poop in my car on the way to the vet. I have never felt so dirty....

The pee incidents were not related to any tantrums. Just an overfull bladder and having too much fun to take a potty break. Unfortunately for me, this meant an accident as I carried her to the bathroom as fast as I could. Thank goodness I have understanding friends with husbands that own big enough shirts to cover the roundness of my belly so I could spend some more quality time with friends on a Saturday night instead of at home folding laundry.

As for the pooping...well I really don't understand what happened there. We were on our way to the Vet (poor Kel has an ear infection in one of her ears) and despite my 10 minute attempt to get her to go to the bathroom before getting in the car, Kelly decided to leave me a surprise.

We were driving down the Autobahn (highway) towards the Vet when I smelled something stinky. I thought it was Kelly's usual toxic fumes and said "Oh my goodness Kelly what did you eat yesterday!?" as I looked in the rear view mirror. It was then I realized Kelly was in her "crunch" mode. She was pooping the back of the Volvo!

I screamed for her to stop which caused her to look at me. If you can picture the face of someone who gets caught doing something and then decides "screw it, she can't get me back here", that's the face my dog gave me. Because I was driving on a stretch of road where going less then 70mph could cause you to be involved in one serious accident, I had to focus on the road.

But the smell...oh my god was the smell was horrid.

There was no where for me to exit for at least 5km so I opened the window because Lucy is in the backseat coughing and saying "Mommy. Stinky Poop." Just an FYI for anyone who this should happen too-NEVER OPEN THE WINDOW!

Opening the window made the smell worse because now it was circulating in the car. Those 5km felt like 100 miles by the time I was able to pull off the highway and get to place where I could get in the back of the car safely. Kelly dropped her head the minute I opened the hatch. Thank God it wasn't one of those messy poops and Kelly didn't walk in it while the car was moving. I pulled Kelly out of the car and cleaned up the mess, then walked her to a grassy area to see if she had to go more.

I'm lucky that we decided to get a liner for the back trunk area to protect the carpet. That meant the poo was easily picked up and wiped down. I have to wash the liner still, but at least I don't have to find a guy to shampoo the carpet. Plus, by wiping it down with a baby wipe, the smell disappeared!

Honestly, I think I've had my fill of pee and poop in the last week. I have gone back to asking Lucy every 30 minutes to go potty and plan to let Kelly out numerous times a day for a while. I just hope Lucy remembers how potty time works when she goes to preschool tomorrow. Now if I can just convince the newest member of our family to come out potty trained, I'll be set.



Oh, and Kelly is fine. She even lost a little weight (couldn't have been the 5lb poop she left behind in the car, right?). The Vet told me we're lucky she's gone this long without an ear infection as its a common thing for bulldogs to endure their whole lives. Now I just have to figure out how I can pin her down to put drops in her ears 2 times a day. I'm sure a peanut butter treat will work wonders in this arena.

Tantrum Central

I've posted before about how we've entered what appears to be the "terrible two's". There are tantrums and then there are TANTRUMS, which I had the lucky pleasure of witnessing for the first time today.

Lucy is a strong willed little girl. She's stubborn and determined. When this kid wants to do something, she will stop at nothing to do it. On the other hand if she doesn't want to do something, she will fight tooth and nail to avoid it. I know as she gets older this will become a wonderful trait for her. She will achieve whatever she sets her mind to and I can't fault her for that. That doesn't mean that I've been ready for what ensued today...in public...at the busiest time of day...in front of the whole base (at least that's how it felt).

We've been doing time outs a lot lately. Lucy has decided that anything she touches is "Lucy's toy/bike/pool/park/etc". It makes for a great learning lesson on sharing, but usually has a time out attached to it. While at the KMCC (its like a mall here for us military people) Lucy was playing at the indoor playground and refused to let her BFF, Rori, play on a toy with her. After attempting to get her to share with no success, she got a time out. This time out included a shoe removal by her, which she has learned drives me bananas.

After learning to share with Rori, they played for a while and we decided it was time for lunch. Lunch at the food court is always a treat for both of us. Lucy was excited as we walked to order chicken "nuggies" at her favorite restaurant. Out of nowhere she stops and starts SCREAMING. I turn around and ask her, "Lucy-What is wrong?" After trying to coax her to come closer to me, she refuses and begins to throw an all out TANTRUM right there on the floor.

Oh my goodness, the stares she was getting. At first people giggled a little, "how cute? She's so dramatic" they were all thinking as they smiled at me. I knew better...this was not going to end pretty.

I walked over to her, asked her why she was crying. She got very angry at this point, so I put her in a time out. Oh my, did that make things worse. Now she is yanking, literally YANKING off her shoes and throwing them across the floor. Instead of picking them up, I leave them where they are. I figure part of her punishment will be picking up her shoes. The next thing I know she's reaching into my purse and looking for more stuff to throw.

I know...WHAT THE HECK?!

I pull my purse away and she appears to be calming down. I ask her if she wants lunch? Her answer: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
as loud as she can possibly scream. Now the stares of "oh how cute!" have turned into "what the hell is that lady doing to her kid?!" As embarassed as I am, I bend down and tell her, quietly "you either need to calm down so we can go get lunch or we are going home. Please relax sweetie"

um yeah...that did not work. She decides to hit me.

This is clearly unacceptable. I tell her so, pick her up and tell her we are saying good bye to her friend and going home. Obviously this was met with serious protest. She began to hit and scratch me as we went to say good bye. We walk outside and she starts to calm down. I consider for a brief second that maybe we can go back. Then she does the most awful thing a 2 year old can do. The one thing she has control over and knows it.

She pees on me.

PEES ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course she thinks this will get her back in the mall/KMCC because we'll have to change her pants. No way Jose, I told her. I marched her right to the car and changed her into new underwear and pants. Man was she mad...she begged and begged to go back. I told her "No way little monkey, I am cover in PEE! PEE!!!" As I received more stares and scowls from people in the parking lot at our heated battle outside the car, I thought I was going to lose it.

We got in the car, drove home and she went right down to her room for some cooling off time. Because, ladies and gentlemen, this 2 year old cried the whole 15 minute car ride home. She kicked the seats, threw toys around the car and cried the whole way home.

I told her she needed 5 minutes of alone time while I cleaned up and changed clothes. By the time I came back to check on her, she was asleep. Obviously the 30 minute tantrum had taken its toll on her.

I let her nap and decided it was better for both of us. I ate my lunch in peace, she rested and got over whatever was bothering her.

When she woke up an hour and a half later, we tried to talk. I still don't know what it was the set her off. But I made sure she understood that it was unacceptable behavior and it would not happen again. She said she was sorry without any prompting and we proceeded to have a much better afternoon.

Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do if she starts to urinate on herself when she wants her way. I know her school won't deal with it well and I certainly won't either. If anyone has any idea on how to stop her from doing that, I'd love to hear them. I can handle tantrums, even TANTRUMS, but I can't handle the peeing thing.

I love her dearly and keep telling myself that her strong will is something that will help her succeed in life. But oh my goodness do I hope the terrible twos end soon......

Day who cares anymore?

The light at the end of the tunnel just got pushed further away.

So we found out Jon is definitely headed to his final duty station- 25 days before his 6 month tour was supposed to end. Now we have no idea when he'll be home. I spent the last 12 hours upset about it and hating deployments/all things military. But as the night wore on I came to the realization this is the life we chose.

I think the part that I'm so angry about isn't that he won't be here for the birth or that he won't get to take Lucy to her first day of school. I'm angry because I saw an end in sight. Raising a 2 year old on your own every day is exhausting. Top that with a pregnancy and its doubly tiring. I kept telling myself "only a few more weeks" when things got tough the last few days. Now I have no idea when he'll be here to help out. I don't even know if he'll be back in time for Christmas.

I want to feel bad for the person who he's replacing. She's a mom too and has been away from her little one for a year. But I don't. Its selfish, but I don't care that she's missed birthdays and holidays. I don't want my husband to miss 3 birthdays, our 5 yr anniversary, the birth of our child, Thanksgiving and Christmas. We didn't expect the deployment to last this long which is why I'm having a tough time with it.

I'm fortunate enough to have one of my parents come out here to help out in a few weeks. Ideally its not the situation I want. If they come out here now, they won't be able to come visit in the Spring when everything is beautiful and I'll be able to actually go places. I'm still grateful that I have someone coming because I honestly don't know if I could handle all of this on my own right now. I have a great network of friends, but having someone here in the house is going to make a huge difference in my day to day life.

So for the next few days I'm going to do my best to be positive. There's a huge mix of emotions going on inside me right now, the largest of which is anger. I'm sure that will change to a new emotion in the next day or so, but for now I feel the need to scream, cry and punch a pillow.

Day 148

This week we started the I'm-a-big-girl-and-can-make-my-own-decisions stage. I've been encouraging her to make choices lately when it comes to lots of things, but I wasn't prepared for her to start choosing her own clothes.

My first real experience with it was last Tuesday when I picked out her outfit for the day. As soon as I brought it upstairs to her, she said "No Mommy! Pink shirt pwease" which sent me back downstairs to get her a pink shirt. Then as we are getting ready to walk out the door to do a few errands she demands to wear rain boots...on a sunny day...when the temperature outside at 9am was already hot. I begged her to wear tennis shoes since we were headed out to playdate after errands. Nope, she was set on wearing those darn rain boots. Instead of arguing with her, I decided to pack another pair of shoes because inevitably she would want to take the rain boots off to play at some point.

This girl is stubborn.

Not only did she not take off her rain boots ALL DAY, she wanted to wear them to bed at nap time. I had to draw the line somewhere right? It was 10 minutes of crying before I got those boots off her. As I walked out of her room, I thought to myself "Its just one of those things, she likes her rain boots." I was kidding myself.

Since Tuesday, we've had to pick out her clothing together. I only give her 2 choices and let her decide which one she likes best. This has included a tutu, hair bows on her shirt, and socks that don't match, but hey, she's only 2. The only time I let her truly decide her own clothing is at bed time when she can choose which pajamas she wants to wear.

Tonight she wanted to wear her new pink Tutu to bed. She also wanted to wear a necklace and some hair bows in her hair. I let her wear the tutu, but convinced her that a necklace and hair bow would be uncomfortable. She was so excited to wear the tutu she completely forgot about the rest. This is how happy she was:



Its funny how at 2 years old, children start to really develop their personality. Lucy has always been very girly, but even more so the older she gets. She literally "flits" when she runs and doesn't like things to get dirty. She hates when her shirt gets food on it or when her hands are covered in dirt. She also has a slight OCD personality when it comes to things like her bedroom. Everything has its place and if one things moves, for instance her Daddy pillow, a complete meltdown ensues until everything is back where it belongs. I can't even begin to imagine how she's going to be as she grows older...my little angel is growing up to fast.

Day 142

Last night I watched a documentary called "The Business of Being Born". I watched it for 2 reasons: 1-Morbid fascination of what is to come in a few months and 2-I've been re-evaluating my birth plan and wanted to explore the option of a natural birth. This documentary doesn't show a lot of actual births, but there are a few. Mainly it discusses home births and statistics as to why its better then a hospital birth. There was enough information to make me wonder what happened exactly when I had Lucy.

The reason I'm exploring a new birth plan is because with Lucy, I had a difficult time delivering. I never felt a thing until that last moment before she took her first breath. My epidural was so strong that I never felt the urge to push despite the fact they turned it off 2 hours before I started pushing and I pushed for over 2 more hours. So that's a total of 4 hours I never really felt anything from the waist down. It took forever for the medication to wear off and I didn't leave Labor and Delivery until almost 5 hours later (because it took that long for me to be able to walk or stand).

It wasn't necessarily that I had a bad experience. It was just that I didn't really enjoy the whole not feeling my legs for hours after birth and how difficult pushing was for me. My Midwife, the nurse and Jon made the experience exactly how I wanted it-no one yelling (well, except me) and peaceful overall.

"The Business of Being Born" did open my eyes to a few things I was unaware of. For instance, the maternity death rate in America is #2 among developed countries. NUMBER 2!! This is attributed to the high rate of C-sections and lack of delivery without intervention. When I say "intervention" I'm talking about drugs.

I also did not know that 90% of women who receive an epidural also receive Pitocin. Its a never ending cycle: starting an epidural means contractions and/or progress slow therefore creating the necessity of Pitocin to increase the contractions and progress. This means more pain for the mom, so they increase the epidural and so on and so on. In the end, this creates a much higher need for a C-Section because the natural birth process is delayed due to the drug intervention. This creates the higher level of C-sections in hospitals.

The documentary goes on to talk about how birthing has changed over the last hundred years from home births to hospital births that included being so drugged you couldn't control yourself to drug intervention to the increased rate in C-sections. They even talked about how something as simple as the position a woman gives birth in changed. It was terrifying at times. To think that a process that is so natural and normal has become so clinical and less about what the mother needs.

I'm not saying that choosing drugs or needing a cesarean make anyone a bad parent. I know that I'm always the first person to trust and believe a Doctor when they tell me what will be best. But I didn't know anything about pain relief besides an epidural and I knew nothing about the best birthing positions. I had no idea that being on my back was the worst way to deliver. I just assumed after seeing birthing videos and what they show on television that being on your back was the easy way to get a baby out.

So this time around I'm making different choices. I'm reading more about my options and asking my husband (who I hope will be in attendance) to do the same. If I choose to go the natural birth route, I will definitely need his unconditional support. I'm also not naive enough to think everything is going to go according to plan. I also don't know if I'm going to make it through a natural birth without giving in and getting some sort of pain relief.

One of the things I'm learning through this research is that hospitals rarely allow for the techniques suggested (ie. water birth, constant walking, acupuncture, birthing ball) for a natural, drug free birth. I know for a fact that the hospital I plan to deliver at does not allow water births. This does not mean that I want to have the baby at home. The idea of a home birth still scares me. But I do know that I'll be able to labor longer at home in a place where I feel relaxed and comfortable versus sitting in a hospital bed hooked up to 5 different monitors.

My overall review of the documentary was that it was worth watching. I learned the things I want to happen during labor and after birth. A lot of what I'm looking for I don't know is possible in the hospital I have to deliver. I plan to talk to my Midwife Monday morning about a few things just so I have my expectations in order. She delivered Lucy and I'm hoping she'll be able to deliver this little one. She was so encouraging and despite a Dr coming in to tell her it was taking to long to get the baby, she pushed me on. No intervention (besides the drugs) necessary.

I'm sure I'll post my birth story at some point. But for now, I'm going to continue to do research and discover the best options for me.