Day 29

This week the nightmares started. They have been HORRIBLE! I wake up stressed out sometimes just because of a dream that isn't true. My nightmares are doubly worse because of the pregnancy. They are so vivid that sometimes I wake up and have to remind myself that it isn't true or that it never happened. The worst one I had involved Jon telling me he thought we were growing apart and he didn't think we could change it. I woke up crying and had a tough time with it all day even though I knew it wasn't true and never would be.

Its amazing how your mind works sometimes. They say your dreams are a subconscious way of dealing with problems in your life that you won't face. The dream about Jon has always been a concern for me when it comes to us being apart. It was one of the things that I talked about a lot before he left. I felt a thousand times better after Jon and I talked that night. He always knows the right things to say to make me feel better.

The deployment has hit the 4 week mark as of today. I'm feeling better knowing that its one less month we'll be apart. We still don't know much about when he will make it to his final duty station, just that its still in the works. Wherever he is, he's still away from us, so it doesn't matter much to me when he makes it to his final location. I just pray every night before bed that somehow he will make it home for his baby's birth. I try not to imagine what it would be like without him, but just in case I'm working on a "plan B" to make sure everyone is taken care of.

I think tonight I'm going to try some relaxation exercises to clear my mind before bed. I'm hoping that puts me in a positive state of mind and brings only happy dreams....